Well todays foray into the complete and utter weird begins today where it always does, in the wonderful world of retail. So sit back strap in shut your mouth & enjoy my insanity as i see it.
Its your average sunday in the fall out shelter of consumer run nightmares when the star of our story saunters through the doors to throw my small mind into a tizzy of complicated thought.
Our hero is an elderly gentlemen. When i say elderly i mean old. When i say old I mean about three days from staring at a velvet lined box. OLD.
This gentlemen saunders up to the register and asks “Where are your sex toys?” Not an unusual question, we get old timers come in on a regular basis looking for everything from hardening spray to the occasional cunt plug but there was a fire in this mans eyes that says if he had the chance he might fuck something right in the store.
So my young associate Ben escorts him to the section to allow him to gander at our selection of things that go hum in the night. So we leave him to his own devices when from the back we hear something fall. Multiple things fall. My young apprentice heads to the back to make sure our new friend hasn’t died of shock. On his return my associate comes back with an arm load of rubber dicks and lube.
I inquire “did he knock over all that?”
Bens face said it all, nope he wants to buy all these.
I respond with “Really?”
Ben shrugs and says “He has more.”
About 10mins pass and the gentlemen comes to the register with another arm load of rubber dicks and lube. So I begin to ring up his purchase & i cant resist so i ask……
"so having a party?"
the man looks and smiles and the words that passed out of his lips will live with me forever.
"Well, the wifes outta town & i got me a stripper i gotta take care of."
I paused. I am now waiting for this information to register in my brain. He’s kidding right? So I ask…..
"Well alright. Why do you need all this?"
His response is now a thing of legend.
"Well one of these sum bitches is bound to work"
I am now fighting the urge to laugh my ass off. I am continuing to ring and then i notice the total. $300.00 worth of rubber dicks and lube. Let me repeat. $300.00 in rubber dicks and lube. We get this man all rang up and he asks the question that will not only spin your head but will put the breaks on the entire thought process of where you thought this story was going.
He asks us if we know anyone who could sell him some cialus. I am now shocked. I let him know there are plenty of places where you can get all natural supplements for “male enhancment”. He quickly cuts me off and says “No son. I need the real thing. only the hard stuff can get me hard.”
Remember when I said shocked. I take it back. Now I’m shocked.
He then elaborates…..
"Look son if you can point me in the direction of someone who can get me cialus, Im willing to trade."
He then pulls a pill bottle the size of a mayonaise jar out of his pocket.
"I got uppers, downers, and all manner of goofballs."
Remember when I said shocked. Im fucking floored.
I reply with a simple “im sorry sir.”
He then takes his huge bag of rubber dicks & lube and exits the store.
As I was then, I still am……… FUCKING SPEECHLESS!!!!!